Tip 103. Most effective sleeping positions

It is vital that all cat's follow my commandments if they are to continue in their role as ruler and leader. . . As can be seen in the commandments the number 1 rule is to make sure you get a minimum of 16 hours sleep per day. . .

However, not only is it vital to obtain these hours, you also need to be make sure that it is quality sleep. . . this means being able to sleep in the best and most comfortable places and positions. . .

Stopping hu-man from working.

Also, the position is key to it all, if you can pull off any number of cute positions then your hu-man is more likely to leave you be and let you sleep where you want. . . even if it inconveniences them. . . Take for instance, right now, my hu-man is trying to work however I am preventing this being an easy task by lying across her arms. See picture to right.





There are any number of positions which can be used in order to obtain a peaceful, refreshing and beneficial sleep. But here are some of my personal favourites: (in order of how they are shown in the slideshow)

• THE CAT-NAPPER: This is the most basic of positions. It is a normal curled up state which allows for comfortable and peaceful sleep. It is also the easiest position to get in to as you will usually be able to fit anywhere. Humans will normally leave you be in this position as long as you are not anywhere that inconveniences them, not the best one for sleeping in awkward places but still an all time classic.
• THE BEAN POLE: This one is named because of the position you place yourself in. Your body is perfectly straight and steady. Perfect for lying on a hu-mans legs or along the seams of a sofa. Can even be adapted to make you fit in between two hu-mans at night as they sleep.
• THE DANGLER: This one can be a slight adaptation of The Bean Pole however this is the beginning of the "awkward" positions. In this one you make sure you are balanced somewhere precarious such as one leg of a hu-man and dangle one of your own legs off of the edge. This gives the impression that you are not fully secure and that you will fall if they attempt to move you.
• THE NO-ENERGY SLUMP: The entire point of this position is to con your hu-man into believing that you simply do not have the energy to move. This position looks very uncomfortable to the hu-man but they do not seem to realise that a pose such as this is good for back problems and preventing future problems such as arthritis. Humans will do one of two things in this position. . . either they will leave you be as they simply do not have the heart to make you move when you are so tired. . . OR. . . they will pick you up and place you somewhere on their own body which is going to be infinitely more comfortable. . . either way it is a win-win situation for you. A perfect example of this can be seen here.
• THE LIFE RAFT: This one is named because of the "pathetic" position you put yourself in. Simply drape yourself over a arm chair, leg, arm, pillow etc.  and stretch out one paw further than the other. This position is seen as cute and adorable meaning that should a harsh human choose to move you he will be chastised by the other for committing such a treason.
• THE DRAMATIC POSE: This position can be in many shapes and forms. Simply get yourself into the most over-stretched and extravagant pose you can muster and fall asleep. These are normally so obscure, so special, so. . . dramatic. . . that the hu-man will not be willing to move you. They are a wonderful and natural phenomenon to behold and any hu-man will be in awe of such a position.
• THE CUTE POUT: This is best used when settling on a hu-man's lap or in their arms. Bury yourself into a crease and lift your legs up. Follow this with lifting one arm up to your face and the other folded into your chest, finish off this manoeuvre by dropping your bottom jaw slightly. This is sure to make any hu-mans heart melt and allow you to have your wicked way with them.

And this concludes the most effective sleeping positions. Many more are to be found and can be changed depending on your own comfort tastes. 

In the next post, we will be examining the best beds- a perfect continuation of best sleeping positions. This will examine both bought beds and beds found in and around the home. . .

It is time for me to get my beauty sleep, so until next time. . . now. . . which position shall I use today?