Tip 105. Best and Worst Hu-man food to eat.

When we move in with a hu-man and exert our dominance over them they always seem to want to force us to eat the strangest of foods. . . They seem to believe that a diet of biscuits and meat mixed with Jelly or Gravy is a tasty and healthy alternative to our natural instinct to hunt and kill our own prey. . .

This is why, whenever we get the chance, we should show our natural instincts by swiping some of THEIR food and snacking on that. . . However, a cat must be very careful when eating food meant for hu-mans as some food can be very dangerous. I will hereby make a list, of the best foods for you to snack on, and the foods which you must never EVER eat. . .

• Chicken: My personal favourite, chicken is one of the best meats for a cat in my opinion, it is tasty and filling and the easiest meat to rip up and shake around- which is a good technique for practising your killing skills.
• Fish: Canned fish, like tuna, sardines and salmon is a good treat to have. It is good for your fur and joints, however, make sure that it is boned and that you do not have to much as the mercury can give you poisoning- as well as making you fat, and let's face it, you could do with losing a little weight. . .
• Melon: As long as this is consumed in small amounts than a feline can quite safely eat a honeydew, cantaloupe or watermelon- as long as all seeds are removed. This helps with digestion but should only be a occasional treat as we are naturally carnivores and our bodies are not able to process large amounts of plant.

Fish are yummy to eat!

That is a small list of my personal favourite, however, feel free to tell me more of YOUR favourite foods by posting them on my Facebook wall.

Now, as you can imagine, the list of bad foods is going to be quite a bit longer. . . But it is very important that you know not to eat these toxic foods. . . for the sake of your own life (and ever expanding waist line):

• Chocolate: This is toxic, it contains a strange chemical that if consumed can damage your lungs, heart, kidneys and nervous system. . . not the best way to go. . . however, recent intelligence suggests that this is also the case for dogs. . . Operation Cocoa commence!
• Alcohol: This is a strange liquid consumed by humans which makes them very strange. . . I have quite often wondered what this strange thing is like- could it be similar to catnip?- however because it is absorbed into our bodies so quick it can be an instant killer.
• Grapes and Raisins: These are extremely tasty, juicy and tempting. . . they are the fruit from the Garden of Eden. . . however, just 2 or 3 of this little pieces of heaven can result in poisoning and irreversible kidney damage.
• Onions: These, I have found from personal experience are extremely tasty, it takes so much self-control for me NOT to eat them, however, just a small amount of this vegetable can cause onion poisoning. This breaks down your red blood cells, causing anaemia, weight loss and lethargy.
• Caffiene: My hu-man quite often consumes something they call "energy drinks", my male hu-man (daddy) sometimes jokes that he will give me some, however, my mummy found out that even a small amount can cause heart palpitations, tremors, rapid breathing and death.

There are many more toxic foods which you must avoid at all costs, but at the same time there are many foods that are perfectly safe and tasty to eat. . . just get your slaves to do some internet research. . .

Feel free to tell me what your favourite and most avoided foods are in the comments below. . .

This post has been quite a serious topic and not as light hearted as my previous ones, however, I am hoping that my next post will be back to normal, when we tackle the issue of. . . Different techniques to swipe hu-man food. . .